Let's Talk About Sara
by cowbell2011
Summary: Catherine and Grissom are having a conversation about Sara...what interesting things will Grissom find out?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Alright, this is my new offering. It is a Cath/Sara fic, but will feature Grissom a lot too. Anything in italics is flashbacks and is what Catherine is telling Grissom...you'll get it, I hope! It's a little different to most fics but I hope you'll give it a go and enjoy it! Even if you hate it, I'd like to hear from you in a review what you thought of it :)**

* * *

'Shall we talk about Sara?'

The question was posed with a certain amount of trepidation. Grissom knew that Catherine didn't feel comfortable talking about the brunette with him because of his own past with the younger CSI, but he had gotten over his feelings long ago and Catherine was one of his oldest friends. The idea of the two of them together in a relationship didn't bother him in the slightest, though he got the impression from Catherine that his past relationship with Sara bothered the redhead. But they had been friend for years, they should be able to talk about this sort of thing without it descending into an argument. He watched as Catherine shifted awkwardly in the seat opposite him. They were currently situated in his office. The blinds were down to avoid prying eyes but the lights were on low, creating a night time atmosphere, even though it was actually the middle of the day outside. The pair of them had just pulled a double shift and were yet to go home and on the occasions where Grissom found himself still at work during the day he liked to make his office closed off from the outside world. It helped him to think and found it calmed him and anybody else who should find their way into the room. It wasn't working on Catherine right now though; she looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but here right now.

'Do we have to?'

Their eyes met over the cluttered desk as Grissom pondered over Catherine's response. Sure, he could try to force his friend into talking about their colleague, but would that do more harm than good? It was obvious that Catherine wanted _somebody _to talk to and he was here right now, ready to listen.

'Well...you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But I only found out last week that the two of you were even together. Why don't you tell me how that happened?'

Catherine's eyes lit up at his suggestion and for a moment she looked like the happy and outgoing woman he used to know. It was clear that she had disappeared into her own head right now, obviously remembering the event privately before deciding whether or not to relay it to him. Standing silently, he moved to the couch in the corner of the room and motioned for her to join him. If they were going to be chatting for a long time, they might as well be comfortable. Seeing that Catherine was still a little reluctant to answer his question he decided a little prompting was in order.

'It was around last Christmas wasn't it? I mean, I overheard Nicky and Greg talking about it yesterday...'

There seemed to be copious amounts of invisible fluff littering Catherine's skirt as she picked at it furiously. It was a nervous habit that she had always had, and when the two of them had started working together it had annoyed Grissom to no end. As the years had rolled by though he had learned to get used to it and now he rarely even noticed that she was doing it. She was biting her lip at the same time, as if trying to come to a final decision over whether or not to continue this conversation. Grissom knew that if she decided not to talk about it, she would be fleeing his office in a matter of seconds and it would take him another couple of weeks before he could try to get her to open up again. However, the redhead seemed to finally settle on talking, and turned to face him on the couch, tucking her legs up underneath herself to make her position more comfortable.

'Gil, are you sure you're alright talking about this...I mean, me and Sara?'

Smiling, Grissom placed a warm hand on Catherine's arm, letting his fingers trail down the fabric of her shirt before squeezing her hand in a friendly gesture.

'Catherine, I consider you to be my best friend. Sara and I were never meant to be. I realised that a while ago. So are you going to tell me how you got together?'

He hoped his cheeky grin, somewhat out of character for him, would finally win him over and it seemed to work. Playfully shoving his arm with a small chuckle, Catherine settled even further into the couch, kicking off her heels in the process to reveal stocking clad feet.

'Alright, it was last Christmas like you said. So what? Ten months ago? I'd just pulled a double and I had solved this awful case involving child abuse. I was ready for a drink...no, I was ready for a few drinks, and who should walk into the locker room but the one and only Sara Sidle...'

* * *

'_Woah Cath, what did your locker ever do to you?'_

_Sara watched cautiously from a safe distance as Catherine continued to throw various items into her locker at increasing degrees of ferocity. When she reached for her gun at her waist and raised it above her head Sara decided it was time to finally step in, catching the older woman round her waist with one hand and grabbing the gun with her other. Sitting her down on the bench she knelt before her, only noticing the tears on her cheeks for the first time._

'_Hey hey, what's happened?'_

_Leaning forward slightly Sara wiped Catherine's tears away tenderly before realising what she was doing and pulling her hand back swiftly. Catherine didn't seem to notice however as she began ranting about her day._

'_I had a case involving a small child being abused. I got the son of a bitch who was doing it but they've let him out on bail. Bail! He's just going to go straight back round there and kill that poor boy given half a chance. I wonder why I bother sometimes. I really do.'_

_Sara braced herself by placing both of her hands on Catherine's knees. The contact sent shivers down her spine but she forced herself not to think about it. Her friend needed her support right now, not unwanted romantic attention._

'_Cat you know as well as I do that you've saved thousands of lives in this job. Yes we can't save them all but think of all the children who are living safe and happy lives because of you. You're an amazing CSI and an amazing woman. Don't let one case get you down.'_

_The two women sat staring at one another as Sara's words sank in. Gradually Catherine seemed to cheer up a little and pulled Sara in for a hug. The brunette wasn't prepared for the unexpected contact and felt herself blushing as the object of her affections stroked her back and squeezed her tightly._

* * *

'So she liked you even then? And you never knew?'

Catherine chuckled at the amazement in Grissom's voice. She could tell he was thinking about just how long Sara had had feelings for her and whether or not they dated back to when they were together so she decided to put his mind at ease.

'Relax Gil, she told me once that her feelings for me didn't start until after the two of you had called it a day. She's not like that, you know that.'

Grissom couldn't help but look relieved although he had to agree with Catherine's words. If there were one person in the world who would never betray you in a relationship it would be Sara Sidle.

'But you never had any idea though?'

Catherine smiled as she shook her head. It was the one thing she regretted about hers and Sara's relationship – that the brunette hadn't told her sooner of her feelings or that she hadn't figured her own out in a more timely fashion. They could have had months longer together if only she had known.

'She's pretty good at keeping her feelings hidden. It wasn't until I got her drunk that it all came out.'

'You seduced her?'

Grissom received a slap for that comment, although he could tell by the lack of force behind it that Catherine was only messing around.

'No you fool! OK so I'd had a bad case right? Well after Sara had calmed me down, she offered to take me for a drink. And that's how we found ourselves in this little club in the middle of nowhere miles away from the strip...'

* * *

'_Uh Sara? How on Earth do you know this place exists?'_

_Catherine stood awkwardly in the lobby to the club as a few of the other patrons eyed her up and down upon their entrance. She had never felt more out of place in her entire life but it was obvious that Sara felt right at home. She was chatting with a young woman behind the bar who was sporting a bright blonde Mohican and countless piercings. Taking another look around, Catherine came to a horrifying realisation. Stalking up to the bar, she pulled Sara away from her companion mid conversation to whisper angrily into her ear._

'_You brought me to a gay bar?'_

_Sara laughed, which only caused to heighten Catherine's anger. She whirled around, intending to stalk out of the place as quickly as possible when a soft hand on her arm stopped her. Turning back around, she came face to face with concerned brown eyes._

'_Hey Cath I'm sorry. Look I didn't realise it would make you so uncomfortable. We can go somewhere else alright?'_

_Catherine could feel more than a few sets of eyes on her as the two of them were stood close to the edge of the dance floor. The music wasn't too loud that the people sitting close to them couldn't hear what was going on and she was aware of the people watching her waiting to see what she would do. Now that she had more time to think about it, why not go to a gay bar? Plastering a smile on her face, she took Sara's hand and dragged her back to the bar._

'_So, you're gay then?'_

_Sara looked kind of shocked that she had asked the question so bluntly, spluttering on her drink before nodding shyly. Her embarrassment only increased when Catherine slid closer to her, pressing her entire body to her own before whispering in her ear._

'_And are you going to pretend to be my girlfriend if any of these women come on to me?'_

_The feeling of having the woman she was highly attracted to being so close and touching her was almost too much for Sara, and she struggled to say anything as Catherine smirked and sat back down on her stool._

'_Let's get drunk Sidle.'_

* * *

'But she's not gay! What about me?'

Catherine sighed as Grissom interrupted her once more.

'Listen, Gil, you asked me to tell you this story but you keep interrupting. Are you going to let me carry on?'

Grissom looked suitably chastised, nodding and motioning for Catherine to continue. She could tell however that he was dying to know the answer to his previous question and sighed dramatically as she thought of a way to answer it without hurting the man's feelings.

'She always used to say, that she was gay and that you were...um, a one off. She was young, you were like her mentor, a hero to her and she just got confused about her feelings towards you.'

The room was silent while Grissom took this information in and Catherine couldn't help but hold her breath while she waited for his response. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt the man, but there simply was no other way of answering his question without telling him the truth. Eventually though he seemed to accept what she had told him with a nod.

'So you had just found out Sara was gay, but you didn't feel anything for her at this point? And you were getting drunk with her? How did you end up getting together then?'

'We'd had a _lot_ to drink. We were playing pool when this woman came over to us...'

* * *

'_Hey there good lookin'. Wanna dance with me?'_

_Catherine froze as a hand made its way down her back to rest on her ass. Sara was busy taking her shot and hadn't noticed yet. The redhead figured if she just ignored the woman she would go away, but when she leaned in closer to nibble on her earlobe she realised action was needed. Stepping away from the mystery woman she grabbed Sara round the waist and without even thinking what she was doing, pressed their lips together in a short but passionate kiss. Sara was so stunned by the turn of events that it took her a few seconds to return the kiss. All too soon however the moment was over as Catherine pulled away from her, turning to the mystery woman with a triumphant look on her face._

'_I already have the most beautiful woman in here, why would I want to dance with you?'_

_Sara was still shell shocked by the fact that Catherine had kissed her, and she stared dumbly at Catherine as the redhead waved goodbye to the other woman. Catherine turned to her and giggled once they were alone again, as if what had just occurred was not out of the ordinary whatsoever._

'_You think I'm beautiful?'_

'_Of course I do stupid. You're gorgeous.'_

_The declaration stopped both women in their tracks as they came to stand mere millimetres apart. Sara's heart was racing from both the kiss and their proximity, and she decided to test Catherine further, knowing it was probably just the drink talking but not being able to help herself anyway._

'_And uh...what do you find gorgeous about me?'_

_Catherine lifted her hand, tracing the edge of Sara's cheekbone as she spoke._

'_Your eyes. They're so expressive, it's like looking into your soul. But only when you allow somebody to see it. And your lips. They're so...so...'_

_Sara did not allow Catherine to finish her sentence as she kissed her again, pushing her backwards so that she was trapped between her body and the pool table behind them. She moaned into the kiss, revelling in the fact that the redhead was actually kissing her back. It was only when she felt Catherine's tongue pushing for entrance into her mouth that she crashed back to reality and pushed herself backwards away from the redhead._

'_Oh my god Cath I am so so sorry. I don't know what came over me. Please forgive me, it won't happen ever again.'_

_The brunette was still swaying slightly from the effects of the alcohol, but it was quickly wearing off as she waited long tortuous moments for any kind of response from the older woman. Catherine was looking at her with an odd expression on her face, and her fingers were tracing her lips as if she couldn't believe what had happened._

'_Kiss me again.'_

_Sara was sure she had misheard, because Catherine couldn't possibly be asking her to kiss her again. Why wasn't she shouting at her and telling her to get away from her?_

'_What?'_

'_Kiss me again Sara. Now.'_

_Positive that she couldn't possibly have misheard twice, Sara wasted no time in engaging the gorgeous woman before her in another kiss. This time the brunette allowed Catherine to deepen the kiss and their tongues duelled for dominance as they both moaned at the contact. It was only when they heard coughing behind them that they realised they were still in public, and they both turned sheepishly to find a group of women with smirks on their faces waiting to use the pool table._

'_What do you say we get out of here Sara? My place?'_

* * *

'You slept with her before even going on a date?'

Catherine looked shocked that Grissom would have suggested such a thing. Despite her past as a stripper and her reputation as a flirt, she was surprisingly old fashioned when it came to that sort of thing.

'No, don't be ridiculous! Sara was the perfect gentleman, so to speak. After we left the club we got a cab back to mine and she helped me up to my room before crashing in the spare room. It took me ages to get to sleep. I mean, less than a few hours before that I had been sure I was straight and then there I was kissing my female co-worker. Needless to say I was worried whether it had just been the alcohol, for both her and me.'

Grissom subtly checked the time on the clock on his back wall before replying. They had been talking for less than an hour and already he had learned more about Catherine and Sara's relationship than he had in the entire time they had been together. And he was loving every second of it. Rubbing his hands together, he nudged Catherine's knee lightly with his own.

'So what happened the next morning?'


	2. Chapter 2

'The next morning?'

Catherine eyed Gil warily. He was taking a lot of interest in hers and Sara's relationship and it felt strange to be talking to her friend about this. Not that she was complaining. It had upset her more than she had ever cared to admit in the early stages of her relationship with Sara that she had been unable to go to Gil to talk to him about it. Now that had changed, and it was something she was extremely grateful for.

'Yeah. Did you regret it? Did she?'

The blush that crept up Catherine's cheeks alerted Grissom to the fact that they had reach a part in their discussion that perhaps the redhead would not be comfortable telling him about. He shifted awkwardly on his spot on the couch and waved his hand in attempt to seem unbothered by the moment.

'You can spare me the gory details Catherine. Let's move on shall we?'

Catherine's head shot up on hearing Grissom's suggestion. There was a look of shock in her eyes that let him know immediately he had misread the situation.

'Oh, you mean you didn't...?'

This earned Grissom another playful slap from Catherine and he reminded himself not to jump to any further assumptions regarding the two women's relationship. Clearly it defied all of his previous judgements regarding the pair.

'We didn't...nothing like that happened for weeks.'

There was a tone to Catherine's voice that hinted at a particular reason behind the redhead's admission, yet Grissom was reluctant to probe further for fear of putting his foot in it yet again so he kept his silence and watched as Catherine seemed to overcome some sort of internal struggle.

'I wasn't very uh..._welcoming_ in the morning, shall we say.'

* * *

_Catherine awoke with a raging hangover. Her mouth was dry, her head was pounding and the light coming in from her window hurt her eyes. She also noticed that she was still wearing most of her clothes from the previous night. Looking around she couldn't see any signs that she had brought a companion back with her and breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was for Lindsey to see another stranger in the house. Peeling off her clothes she made her way to the shower and let the steaming hot water wash away her hangover. As she was enjoying the shower, parts of the previous night began to come back to her. Sara taking her to a gay bar. Her flirting with Sara. The pair of them kissing. And then inviting Sara back here. Oh God. What had she done? Dressing quickly she checked the spare room only to find it empty. Hearing noises from the kitchen she crept down the stairs and warily poked her head around the kitchen door._

'_What are you doing?'_

_Sara turned, surprised at the sound of her voice. Spatula in hand, Catherine had to admit she looked cute even though she was still wearing her clothes from the previous day. Quickly she pushed that thought out of her head and tried to focus on what the brunette was saying._

'_Hey, um I thought I'd make us breakfast.'_

_Catherine came completely into the room and sat at the table without saying a word. It wasn't that she regretted what had happened the previous night. It was just a lot to take in for the redhead and she wanted more time to mull it over in her head before having to deal with Sara._

'_I think you should go.'_

_The words were out of her mouth before she even realised she was saying them. Sara's mouth fell open in shock but she didn't say anything. The two women simply stared at each other from across the room, the sizzling of bacon in the pan the only sound as they conducted their silent standoff. Eventually, the sight of smoke rising from the hob and the smell of burning caused Sara to react and she moved the pan from the hob, placing it gently on an unheated one to prevent further burning. When she turned back to Catherine, the older woman was staring resolutely at her fingers, as if somehow hoping that by ignoring Sara she would go away. The brunette felt her emotions bubbling to the surface, anger getting the better of her._

'_You know Catherine, you could just say you were drunk and it didn't mean anything. You don't have to be such a bitch about it.'_

_Again Catherine chose not to respond, continuing to stare down at her hands. This only served to make Sara even more angry and she threw the spatula she had been holding into the empty sink with such force that it clattered around before flying back out again and landing on the floor. Sara stormed past it without bothering to pick it up, not giving Catherine another glance as she left the kitchen, intending to walk home. She got as far as the front door before thinking of something and turning back. When she returned to the kitchen Catherine hadn't moved a muscle, and the expression on her face was impossible for Sara to read. _

'_Do you have feelings for me?'_

_Sara stood in the doorway for what felt like an eternity waiting for a reply from Catherine. When it became clear that one wasn't going to be forthcoming she sighed deeply, giving the other woman one last sorrowful glance before leaving the house with a slam of the front door._

* * *

'I can't believe you did that to her.'

Catherine looked down shamefully at Gil's exclamation. There wasn't really anything she could say to defend herself because she completely agreed with him. Her actions that day had always haunted her throughout her relationship with Sara, despite the brunette constantly reassuring her that she had been forgiven.

'You have to understand Gil, up until that point I had never even considered that I might ever have feelings for a woman. Then one kiss and I'm gay as a maypole? My head was all over the place.'

Grissom rose from the couch abruptly and Catherine thought for a moment that he was bringing their conversation to an end but instead he went to the fridge in the corner of his office and produced two small tubs of ice cream. Grabbing a couple of spoons from the top drawer of his desk he retook his position on the couch and handed one of the tubs to Catherine. On her questioning glance he handed her one of the spoons and nodded towards the icy treat.

'Isn't it what you women do when talking about their love lives? Eat ice cream?'

This caused Catherine to laugh, despite the serious tone their conversation had taken previously. Leave it up to her best friend to cheer her up no matter what the circumstance. Peeling the lid off the tub she dug in eagerly, noting briefly that the ice cream was strawberry flavoured; her favourite. She wondered idly if it was just a coincidence but seeing the smirk on Gil's face made her decide that it wasn't. This man knew her too well.

'So did you let her just leave? When did you see her again after that?'

Catherine took a rather large bite of ice cream before responding. It really was rather good and she hadn't eaten in a long while.

'I came to my senses. I don't know whether it was remembering the kiss, or what she had said to me or the fact she had been making breakfast, but something inside of me suddenly snapped...'

* * *

_If any of Catherine's neighbours could have seen her running down the street in her current attire they would have been forgiven for thinking she had lost her marbles. It had taken less than a minute after Sara had left for Catherine to realise she was making a huge mistake. However since she had only just gotten out of the shower she was only wearing a thin tank top and shorts. This did not bother Catherine in the slightest however as she pulled on the nearest item of footwear, which just so happened to be a pair of slippers, and took off after the brunette. It didn't take long to catch her up a few hundred yards down the road and she grabbed her by the arm to stop her from walking any further._

'_Sara wait!'_

_When Sara turned around Catherine could tell she had been crying and instantly felt guilty for the way she had treated the other woman. Sucking in deep lungfuls of air she motioned to the brunette to give her a minute to compose herself, causing a small smirk to appear on Sara's face._

'_You know Catherine, exercise isn't really your thing.'_

_Catherine dismissed the comment with a wave of her hand, grabbing Sara's sleeve and pulling her back towards the house._

'_Come on, you're coming back.'_

_She could feel Sara resisting, although she knew if the brunette really didn't want to come back then she would have had no trouble at all getting out of her grasp. _

'_Cath...you made it pretty clear how you feel. It's fine, really, I'll go.'_

_When Sara's struggling increased, Catherine stopped trying to pull her along, instead walking around the other woman and attempting to push her back to her house was even less successful than her previous attempt and Catherine gave up after a few seconds, instead choosing to stand before Sara with her arms crossed._

'_Look Sara, I don't know what this is yet. Or even if it is anything at all. But I do know that I don't want you to leave yet. Not like this. So please, can we start this morning again?'_

_The redhead put on what she hoped were her best puppy dog eyes and they seemed to work as Sara eventually smiled and nodded, beginning the walk back to Catherine's house. Once they were both safely back inside Catherine restarted breakfast and placed a steaming hot mug of coffee in front of Sara. They ate in comfortable silence but once the food was gone and they had nothing to occupy themselves the awkwardness began to return. Sara was just about to suggest that she leave when Catherine spoke up out of nowhere._

'_Take me on a date.'_

'_W-what?'_

_Sara figured she must have looked pretty shocked because Catherine chuckled at her as she began to clear their dishes away._

'_Nothing has to happen right? Just take me out. Maybe it'll help me figure out what's going on in my head.'_

_The brunette contemplated this offer for a minute. A date with Catherine. It was something she had been dreaming of for a long time. So why hadn't she said yes yet?_

'_I'll pick you up at 8. Wear comfortable shoes.'_

* * *

'As a man I'm not an expert on these things, but even I know you don't _own_ any comfortable shoes outside of work.'

Catherine smiled and nodded. Grissom was indeed right. She loved her heels and wore a pair at every opportunity. Putting her now empty ice cream tub down on the side, she couldn't help but notice the time.

'Gil, shift ended half an hour ago. I gotta go get Lindsey from my sister's.'

Grissom nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face.

'Shall we continue this tomorrow?'

Catherine sighed dejectedly. She had hoped that leaving tonight would be the end of their conversation about Sara, but evidently the man wanted to know more.

'Please Catherine.'

She couldn't resist the leading look in his eyes and finally nodded before leaving his office quietly.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Once again a huge thank you to all who have reviewed/alerted. Your feedback really means a lot.**

* * *

Catherine was already in the break room when Grissom arrived. She was leaning against the counter with her back to him making a cup of coffee. He stood in the doorway and took the opportunity to watch her without her knowledge. She seemed a well rested and a lot less stressed compared to the previous day, which made him glad. Clearly their chat had helped the woman somewhat, and he was eager to continue it again today. Coughing lightly in order to make himself known to her, he ambled across the room and grabbed a clean mug for himself.

'Fill me up?'

Catherine offered a small smile as she poured the remaining coffee in the pot into Grissom's mug. Throwing a few small sachets of sugar his way, the redhead grabbed her own beverage and sat down on the couch.

'It's Greg's good stuff so don't tell him I used it. We got assignments?'

There was a hint of hope in Catherine's eyes as she posed her question and Grissom could tell immediately it was because she was again reluctant to talk with him about Sara. He had hoped that her reluctance would have disappeared after the previous day but it seemed she was still harbouring some doubts over his efforts to get her to open up.

'The guys are already at a scene. We have paperwork. Join me in my office?'

Grissom didn't wait for a response and simply left the room with his coffee. He knew that Catherine would follow in her own time. Paperwork was neither of their favourite tasks and with the knowledge that he would be fishing for information about Sara again he wanted to give her a few minutes to finish her drink before joining him.

'Jesus Gil, you've almost got an entire rainforest in here. Just how far behind are you?'

Taking a moment to drain the last remnants of his drink before replying, Grissom nodded shyly towards the huge pile of case files that were rapidly taking over his desk.

'I guess they just got away from me huh?'

Catherine took a seat across from Grissom and reached for the file on top of the pile. Biting the end of her pen she began to read over the notes, adding to them here and there. After a few minutes she could feel Grissom's gaze on her and looked up to find him staring at her intently.

'What? Do I have something on my face?'

Grissom couldn't hide his smirk as the redhead produced a small mirror from her purse in order to inspect her face. When she couldn't find anything she looked at him curiously, silently asking why he was staring at her.

'You were going to tell me about your first date with Sara.'

The recognition in Catherine's eyes as she realised that her supervisor hadn't forgotten about her promise to continue their conversation caused Grissom to chuckle lightly.

'You thought I would forget? Come on Cath, I'm dying to know where she took you.'

Catherine sighed dramatically and threw her pen down onto the desk before her. It rattled across the now closed file and rolled off the end of the desk, skittling along the floor and underneath the filing cabinet in the corner of the office. Briefly the redhead thought about how she was going to have to dig that out at some point as it was her best pen; a gift off the lab techs for solving a particularly high profile case.

'Alright Gil, I'll tell you. And for your information, I _did _have some comfortable shoes to wear. And I was ready wearing them at 8pm when she picked me up...'

* * *

_The ringing of the doorbell was music to Catherine's ears. She had been ready for over an hour and had been sat on the couch staring at the clock watching the seconds tick slowly by ever since then. Her excitement was somewhat surprising for her. Although she was eager to see where this would lead, she hadn't expected to be looking forward to it quite so much. Whilst getting ready she had been trying to sort through the many different feelings that were running through her head, which hadn't been very successful to say the least. Eventually she had decided to simply go with it and not rule anything out otherwise she would go crazy over thinking everything. Grabbing her purse and an extra jacket she opened the door to find Sara wearing about five layers of clothing._

'_Um...where exactly are you taking me Sara?'_

_Sara smiled, holding her arm out for Catherine to take as she led her to the car. The brunette opened the passenger door for her and waited for her to get seated comfortably before closing the door behind her and walking back round to the driver's side. _

'_You'll see when we get there. But don't worry you'll love it.'_

_The curiosity was getting the better of Catherine but she knew that Sara was one of the most stubborn people she had ever met and if she wasn't prepared to tell her then she was just going to have to wait until they got there. The rest of the journey was made in a comfortable silence for the most part, the two women exchanging occasional friendly banter but most happy just to be in each other's company. There was none of the awkwardness or tension that had been present that morning during their argument, something which the two of them were secretly glad about. _

_Finally they pulled into a parking lot somewhere on the edge of the Mojave desert and as Sara killed the engine neither woman said anything or moved from their seat. Catherine could tell Sara was nervous and in an attempt to calm her she placed a hand on her arm. The brunette jumped at the sudden contact so Catherine pulled her hand back quickly._

'_Sara...you don't have to be nervous. It's just a date.'_

_Sara leaned forward and rested her forehead against the steering wheel. She mumbled something that Catherine didn't quite catch so the redhead gently took Sara's chin in her hand and urged her to lean back and look at her._

'_Say that again.'_

'_I said...It's not just a date. It's a date with Catherine Willows.'_

_The emotion behind the statement stunned Catherine into silence and at that moment she realised just how much this evening must mean to the brunette. After her reaction this morning Catherine had realised that Sara must have some feelings for her, but not to the extent that her current behaviour was suggesting._

'_Sar...how long have you wanted to do this?'_

_A wry smile appeared on Sara's face as she finally seemed to gain some confidence around the redhead._

'_Oh, only about six months.'_

_The silence in the car while Catherine digested this information seemed to stretch on for a while until finally the older woman leaned across the vehicle and placed a chaste kiss on Sara's cheek, allowing her lips to linger for slightly longer than was necessary._

'_So, where are we exactly?'_

* * *

'Nervousness isn't something you really associate with Sara is it?'

Catherine smiled as she thought about her girlfriend. She shook her head in agreement with Grissom. Normally the strong brunette was confident and outspoken; not afraid to speak her true feelings no matter how much friction they might cause.

'That was the only time I've ever seen her like that. It was like she was afraid to do something wrong. I guess she had a point. I was so unsure at that moment, she was probably terrified I would decide I didn't want anything else to happen.'

Grissom nodded knowingly. He had been in that position before as a young man and it wasn't much fun at all.

'Clearly she did something right. But why on Earth did she take you to the middle of the desert?'

A wide smile appeared on Catherine's face as she recalled the memory.

'Oh Gil, it was the best first date ever...'

* * *

'_Sara, how much further is it? I'm dying!'_

_The brunette turned to find Catherine bent over with her hands on her knees, gratefully sucking in huge lungfuls of air. The cool temperature of the night meant that her breath was visible and the brunette watched as it spiralled up into the night. They had been climbing for a while now and were nearly at their destination._

'_I told you this morning Cath, you're really not an exercise person. Come on, we're almost there.'_

_Sara grabbed Catherine's hand and pulled her the rest of the way to the top of the ridge. Once there, the redhead was awestruck by the sight that greeted her._

'_Oh Sara, it's beautiful.'_

_They were a few hundred feet up, but not close enough to the edge to cause either woman concern. Looking out across the desert, in the distance the city of Las Vegas was illuminated like a bright star in an otherwise blank night sky. Catherine could just about make out some of the taller buildings with their large glowing signs, and she managed to pick out The Rampart towering above the rest. Taking her eyes off the beautiful sight for a second she turned to see Sara had set up a blanket with a bottle of wine._

'_You did all this for me?'_

_Although it was now completely dark, the redhead could just about make out the blush on Sara's cheeks as she looked down at the ground shyly. _

'_You're worth it.'_

_Catherine couldn't help but grin as a warm feeling enveloped her entire body. It wasn't something she had ever experienced before, not even with Eddie, but she liked it. Taking one last look at the scenery she plopped down beside Sara on the blanket, resting her head on the younger woman's shoulders. The two women chatted idly for a while, sipping slowly at their wine. Neither wanted to become intoxicated after what had happened the last time. They both knew that if it they were to kiss again, they didn't want it to be because they were drunk once more. With the wine mostly drunk, Sara adjusted the two women so that they were lying on their backs looking up at the stars. _

'_I used to do this as a kid all the time. Helped take my mind off whatever was going on at home.'_

_Catherine knew Sara had had a rough childhood, but now was not the time to go into it. She attempted to gloss over the comment by resting her head on the brunette's shoulder and snuggling a little closer into her side. Raising her arm, she pointed out a particular constellation._

'_I've never done this before. Tell me about that one.'_

_The redhead only half listened as Sara explained the constellation to her. She had lifted her head off the other woman's shoulder and was watching her intently. The way her brow furrowed when she struggled to think of the right word for something. The way her eyes twinkled like the stars she was describing when she was happy. Never before had Catherine seen such beauty and it astounded her that she had never noticed this woman before. Sara must have realised she was staring because she stopped talking and looked down at her curiously._

'_You alright Cath? Are you cold? Because we can go back to the car if you...'_

_Sara's sentence was cut short by Catherine pressing her lips gently against her own. The brunette's hand came up to caress Catherine's cheek without her even realising it. Their lips moved together gently and slowly in a loving kiss. When Sara's lips parted slightly Catherine took the invitation to deepen the kiss, allowing her tongue to glide across Sara's and eliciting a small moan from the younger woman. Eventually the kiss ended with both women pulling away breathlessly._

'_Wow.'_

_Catherine could only smile at Sara's less than eloquent description of their first sober kiss. She nodded eagerly before resting her head back on the brunette's shoulder, only this time she felt strong slender arms wrap tightly around her waist._

* * *

'I never knew Sara was such a romantic.'

The statement shocked Catherine. She had never really thought about how Grissom's relationship with Sara would have compared with her own. Truth be told, it wasn't something she would want to think about. She had just assumed that Sara was the kind of woman who put her all into anything she did. To hear differently was something of a shock.

'You guys never did stuff like that?'

Grissom shook his head as a sad look crossed his face. He picked up a nearby pen and began fiddling with it; a sure fire sign that he wasn't comfortable with Catherine's line of questioning.

'I guess we were never meant to be right?'

Catherine didn't really know what to say to that so she settled for retrieving her lost pen instead. With a complete and utter lack of grace she kneeled down on the cold hard floor and reached blindly underneath the cabinet for the lost piece of stationery. Finally feeling the cool steel underneath her fingertips she grasped it tightly and pulled it out, holding it aloft victoriously before retaking her seat on the opposite side of Grissom's desk.

'Shouldn't we actually be doing paperwork instead of spending the entire shift talking about my love life?'

Grissom took the hint, taking another file from the large pile still sat ominously between them. Opening it up at the first page he paused before he began to read, pointing his own pen accusatorily at Catherine.

'Fine, but after we've done these I want to hear about your second date.'


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Once again I own nothing blah blah blah. And for those of you hoping for a sequel to Saying Goodbye...I hadn't intended to do one but since it's been so well received...well, look out for a part two coming some time soon :)**

* * *

It was coming towards the end of shift by the time Catherine and Grissom had finished their paperwork. The entire time the redhead had been thinking of a plausible excuse for having to leave on time but had yet to come up with anything good. Gil already knew that Lindsey was with Nancy for the weekend so claiming she needed to get home to her daughter was out. There were no new cases that needed working on so she couldn't claim that the guys needed her help either. Sighing deeply and rubbing her tired eyes as she placed the last of the completed case files on top of the pile she resigned herself to the fact that she was going to have to talk about Sara again. It wasn't that she didn't like to talk about her girlfriend, it was just that Gil was beginning to annoy her with his constant questioning, wanting to know everything about their relationship. If she was honest, she had told him just about as much as she wanted to. At that moment there was a light knock on the door to Grissom's office and Nick's head appeared around the edge.

'Hey Gris? I could really use your help on my case. I've got a bug here that I'm not sure about.'

Catherine watched as Grissom's face lit up at the prospect at being able to work with some kind of insect. It astounded her how this man could interact with bugs so much better than he could with living human beings. He was up and out of his chair in a flash, dropping the last case file on her lap as he passed.

'Finish that for me will you Cath? We'll continue our conversation another time.'

Not wanting to pass up the golden opportunity that had presented itself to her she kept quiet, grabbing the file before it slipped off her lap. She noticed Nick was still lingering in the doorway and offered him a grateful smile.

'I noticed he's been collaring you a lot lately to talk. I can probably guess what it's about so I figured you might need a break.'

The thoughtfulness of Nick's gesture caused Catherine's heart to swell with emotion. The team weren't as close as they used to be, and it was little moments like this that really reminded her of how things used to be. She had the sudden urge to hug Nick but before she could stand up from her chair the Texan CSI was gone, following Grissom down the corridor. Catherine quickly signed off the last case file and placed it with the others before folding her arms on top of Grissom's desk and resting her forehead against them. The office was quiet now, the only sounds she could hear were faint clattering of various instruments from out in the lab. She closed her eyes and allowed her mind to wander. Inevitably images of Sara came to her first and she began to think about their second date, which she would no doubt have been telling Grissom about had Nick not saved her from the trouble.

* * *

'_Mom, Sara's here!'_

_Catherine stumbled clumsily as she attempted to put on her shoes at the same time as descending the stairs. She could hear Lindsey giggling at the sight of her as she stood at the bottom with Sara beside her sporting a barely concealed smirk._

'_Alright Lindsey, isn't it about time you were getting ready for bed? I promised Aunt Nancy you would be asleep by the time she got here.'_

_The redhead had finally made it down the stairs unscathed and with two shoes on. Giving her daughter a small shove, the young girl took the hint and went up the way Catherine had come, grumbling something about brushing her teeth._

'_Hey.'_

'_Hey.'_

_The two women stood awkwardly not quite knowing what else to say. It had been three days since their first date, where Sara had dropped Catherine back off at home with a sweet goodbye kiss. However since then they hadn't seen each other at all due to conflicting work schedules, only speaking once on the phone to arrange the second date. As they spent a few minutes taking in each other's appearance they were surprised by a small voice emanating from the top of the stairs._

'_For Christ's sake Mom, just kiss her!'_

_Before Catherine could come up with any sort of reply to that the little Willows had disappeared in a flash, leaving the two women laughing nervously._

'_Well, she has a point...'_

_As soon as the words were out of Sara's mouth Catherine threw herself at the brunette, crashing their lips together with such force that they collided with the wall behind them. Hands began to wander and a small moan escaped Catherine's lips until the sound of the bathroom door opening reminded them of where they were and they pulled apart just as Lindsey appeared at the top of the stairs again. The little girl took one look at her mother's smudged lipstick and hair in disarray before smirking._

'_That's more like it. Have a good time Mom.'_

_Catherine could feel herself blushing at the embarrassment of being given pointers in her love life by her daughter but was saved once again from having to pass comment by the sound of the doorbell, signalling the arrival of Nancy. She flung the door open whilst simultaneously trying to calm her breathing and rearrange her hair to make it look semi presentable. By the look on Nancy's face as she glanced between the redhead and a smirking Sara it hadn't worked though, and she stepped into the house laughing._

'_Wow Cath, looks like you started the party early. Don't let me stop you.'_

_Grabbing Sara's hand, Catherine pulled them both out of the house before her family could embarrass them any further. She allowed the brunette to guide her down the drive but paused briefly as they passed her car sitting at the side of the road._

'_We're not going by car?'_

_Sara just smiled and shook her head, continuing her walk down the road. Catherine had to jog a little to catch up to her, and when she did she put a huge smile on the brunette's face by grabbing her hand in a tight grip. _

'_You walked here?'_

'_Yep.'_

'_And we're walking to wherever we're going?'_

'_Yep.'_

_There was something about the mystery surrounding Sara's plans that sent a shiver down Catherine's spine. She was still trying to figure out exactly what she felt for the brunette, but every time the younger woman kissed her, or did something romantic it made things just that little bit clearer. She was falling for this woman, and the scariest thing about that was that she wasn't surprised at all. It was like the feelings had been sitting there all this time and it had just taken her this long to discover them. She suddenly had the urge to confess all to Sara and pulled her to a stop by tugging on their joined hands._

'_Sara...'_

_Catherine was on the verge of confessing her feelings when the brunette interrupted her._

'_We're here.'_

_The redhead looked around with a confused look on her face. They were on the edge of her neighbourhood but all she could see her rows of houses. Turning, she found herself face to face with a playground that was surrounded by large hedges, the entrance taped off with crime scene tape._

'_You brought me to a crime scene for our second date?'_

_There was a hint of incredulity to Catherine's voice that caused Sara to laugh as she raised the tape and ushered Catherine inside._

'_No silly. I just put this here so nobody else would come in. Being a CSI has to have its advantages right?'_

_The further Catherine walked into the playground the further open her mouth fell in amazement. Sara had hung fairy lights on all the apparatus to give the entire place a surreal glow that was illuminated further by the moonlight. She spied a picnic basket and bottle of wine on the table too and turned back to the brunette in amazement._

'_You did all this for me?'_

_Sara looked shyly at the ground as she nodded, scuffing the dirt with the edge of her shoe._

'_Yeah, well...you mentioned once that you never lived near a playground as a child and always felt like you missed out. So I figured, better late than never huh?'_

_When Catherine didn't say anything Sara became nervous and started to think that she had made a grave error in her choice of date location._

'_It's lame isn't it? Oh God I'm sorry Catherine. I'll take you back home. I just thought...'_

_Sara was interrupted once again by the redhead pulling her into a fierce kiss. The pair stumbled backwards as their tongues fought for dominance until eventually they fell to the floor, still locked in a passionate embrace._

* * *

The door to Grissom's office swung open unexpectedly, interrupting Catherine's reminiscing at a most inopportune moment. The redhead whipped her head up quickly and turned to find Grissom ambling slowly into the room, completely unaware at what he had just interrupted.

'Damn bug was just a rare form of cockroach. Nick should have known that. Anyway, where were we?'

No sooner had Grissom taken his own seat behind his desk than Catherine had risen from hers. The images her mind had conjured of her second date with Sara had caused her to become quite excited and she prayed that Grissom didn't notice her flushed cheeks.

'Sorry Gil, I've gotta run. Er...Nancy just called she needs me to take Lindsey home early.'

The lie rolled off her tongue easily and thankfully her supervisor seemed to fall for it, as well as seeming not to notice her current state of arousal. She grabbed her belongings off his desk and with a final nod escaped from the office as quickly as possible. Thankfully the lab was pretty quiet and Catherine was not stopped as she made her way to the locker room. Once safely inside she sank down to the floor against her locker, closing her eyes and letting her mind wander back to the point it had been at before she was interrupted.

* * *

'_Cath...Cath...stop. We shouldn't, not here.'_

_Sara's insistence at stopping would have been more convincing had she not been moaning at the feel of Catherine's tongue on her neck. And her hands were most definitely not pushing the redhead away but were in fact pulling her closer. The redhead's hands had found their way underneath Sara's shirt and were just brushing the edge of her bra when a voice from the other side of the hedges lining the playground made both women freeze._

'_Hey, who's in there! That's a crime scene you know! I'm calling the police.'_

_Catherine watched from the floor as Sara scrabbled to her feet and ran to the gate. She could just about hear her conversation with the mystery man and watched as she produced her CSI ID, which finally seemed to pacify him as he walked off still glancing occasionally behind him. As the brunette began walking back towards her she rose to her feet and offered a sexy smile to her companion._

'_You carry that thing with you everywhere you go?'_

_Sara nodded, tucking it back into the back pocket of her jeans._

'_It's a good thing I do or he never would have bought my explanation of looking for extra evidence of the drugs ring we're trying to break up.'_

_Both women laughed as Catherine pulled Sara back to her by the belt loops in her jeans._

'_So where were we Sidle?'_

_Sara wriggled out of her grasp however, the blush on her cheeks just visible in the moonlight._

'_I should be getting you safely home now Catherine. That guy is liable to come back again in a while.'_

_Not to be outdone however, Catherine simply stepped closer to the brunette, invading her personal space and tracing the line of her jaw with one finger. The action caused Sara to swallow nervously and close her eyes at the emotions the simple touch stirred within her._

'_I'd be much safer at home if you were with me.'_

_The brunette seemed to consider that offer for a moment before taking the smallest step away from the redhead._

'_I don't think that'd a good idea.'_

_Catherine's finger dropped from Sara's jaw and her hand hung limply at her side as a look of huge disappointment appeared on her face._

'_No?'_

_Sara took Catherine's hand in her own before replying, looking down at their conjoined fingers as she spoke._

'_You're not 100% sure. And I want you to be sure. Because if something happened, and then you changed your mind...I don't think I could take it.'_

_If Catherine hadn't been at all sure about what was going on between her and Sara before, then that statement from the brunette had just sealed the deal. She couldn't remember any of the men she had previously been with being so considerate of her feelings. Normally they just wanted to leap into bed with her the first chance they got. But not Sara. Sara was different._

'_Sara...look at me.'_

_When the younger woman didn't respond, Catherine took it upon herself to raise her head by putting a finger underneath her chin. There was such worry in the brunette's eyes. Worry that she had said the wrong thing, when in fact the truth was the complete opposite._

'_You are amazing Sara Sidle. And I think you should take me home. Because the sooner you take me home, the sooner we can start planning our third date.'_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is really short and I apologise for that, but this week has just gotten coompletely away from me so I figured something was better than nothing. You all may not think that when you get to the end though...**

* * *

'Mom...are you in here?'

Catherine's head shot up from resting on her knees when the sound of her daughter's voice filtered in through the doorway. She had been sat on the living room floor, leaning against the couch in the darkness and hadn't even heard the front door open. Glancing at the clock she noticed that it was hours since she had slunk off from work and hadn't moved since. There was an empty bottle of wine one side of her and a box of tissues the other. With a shaking hand she attempted to push the bottle behind the couch in order to hide it from Lindsey and Nancy, who no doubt would be following her daughter through the door any second now.

'Hey baby, how was your party?'

Catherine stumbled to her feet, lurching across the room and enveloping Lindsey in a clumsy hug. The young girl smelled the alcohol on her mother's breath and tried to pull away but even in Catherine's intoxicated state she was still too strong for the little Willows.

'Mom, you're drunk. Get off me. Aunt Nancy is going to be so pissed at you.'

Such was the state of Catherine's intoxication that she didn't even pick up on Lindsey's swearing, let alone admonish her for it. The sight of Nancy coming through the front door with Lindsey's back pack caused Catherine to attempt to stand up straight in an effort to seem sober. It didn't work though and she stumbled backwards, falling onto the couch with a loud giggle.

'Catherine? What the hell is going on?'

Nancy grabbed Catherine's flailing arm and viciously pulled her to her feet, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing the redhead to look at her.

'Are you drunk? What the hell Cath, I can't leave Lindsey here with you like this.'

Catherine could not even focus her eyes on her sister so Nancy frog marched her into the kitchen and sat her at the table. Grabbing a glass from one of the cupboards she filled it with water and held it out for her sister to take. When the redhead simply ignored her, grinning widely at the far wall, Nancy sighed loudly and promptly tipped the contents of the glass over Catherine's head. As Lindsey began giggling Catherine shrieked and leapt up off the chair. Unfortunately in her drunken state her balance was not as it should be and she fell over, ending up sprawled across the cold hard floor. For a second, Nancy debated just leaving her there but her sisterly instincts soon kicked in and she hauled her small frame up and back into the living room onto the couch. Motioning for Lindsey to remove her shoes, she placed an empty bucket on the floor beside the couch and settled in the chair opposite.

'Is she going to be alright?'

Lindsey was lurking nervously in the living room doorway looking over her mother with an extremely concerned look on her face. Nancy motioned her into the room and pulled the young girl onto her lap once she was within reach. Enveloping her in a strong hug, she kissed the top of her head before allowing Lindsey to squirm back out of her grip.

'Nancy, I'm too old for cuddles now! But...is she?'

Nancy bit her lip, wondering how much information she should reveal to the young girl. Between her and Catherine, they had pretty much managed to protect her from the truth by only feeding her titbits of information here or there about the reasons for Catherine's depression, but Nancy knew that the day had been fast approaching where they would have to tell her exactly what had happened. She just figured it wouldn't have been so soon and it would have been her sister explaining it, not her. Sighing, she rested her head in her hands as she gave Catherine the once over. The older woman was fast asleep and snoring softly. There was no other way around it, she was going to have to talk to Lindsey.

'Linds, honey, you know your Mom loves you right?'

This caused the young girl to bite her lip nervously as she nodded, coming to sit on the floor in front of her aunt.

'Well, there's something you don't know about her and Sara. You know Sara from her work, right? Well...they have been dating since last Christmas. She wanted to tell you honey, but she didn't know how you would react.'

Lindsey looked shocked for a moment before smiling slightly as she gazed at her mother. Nancy had always disagreed with Catherine's choice to not tell her daughter about her relationship. She had known that Lindsey would have been fine with it but Catherine hadn't been so sure, thus had refrained from coming clean to her.

'I like Sara. She's cool and she helps me with my homework. But why is Mom so sad if they are dating?'

Tears sprang to Nancy's eyes then and she shook her head before looking away out the window. Lindsey stood up, moving herself so that she was within Nancy's view.

'Aunt Nancy, what's going on?'

'Sweetie...I'm so sorry, but Sara died last week.'


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry this has taken so long to get done, I had a slight case of writer's block on how to end this. I'm still not crazy about it and I know it's not the ending you all wanted but I hope you enjoy it all the same.**

* * *

'It's my fault. It's my fault she's dead.'

Nancy and Lindsey had been so pre-occupied with their silent staring contest that neither of them had noticed Catherine waking up. She was now sitting on the couch with her knees drawn up to her chest, shaking her head as tears streamed down her face. She seemed to have sobered up somewhat since before she fell asleep but her clumsy movements and red, puffy eyes showed she was still rather intoxicated.

'Cath...it wasn't your fault.'

'YES IT WAS!'

Catherine's outburst shocked both the Willows women as she shot to her feet and began pacing the room. Lindsey flinched and crawled back a few feet away from her mother, whereas Nancy leaned forward in her seat looking worriedly at her sister. The soft sound of Lindsey sobbing filled the room as none of the occupants quite knew what to say. Catherine was mumbling quietly to herself but neither Nancy nor Lindsey could tell what she was saying.

'Mommy...is Sara really dead?'

The sound of her daughter reverting to the childlike name for her after making such a big deal of wanting to start calling her 'Mom' a few weeks ago seemed to shock Catherine into soberness. She stopped pacing in the middle of the room and stared listlessly at the young girl. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she obviously had no idea what to say. Nancy watched from her position in the armchair with great intrigue. She had been privy to her sister's gradual mental breakdown over the past week and was hoping that now everything was out in the open, Catherine would be able to shed her guilt over Sara's death and begin the grieving process.

'Oh sweetie I'm sorry, yes she is. She died a week ago. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.'

The quiet tension in the room could have been cut with a knife as Lindsey absorbed this information. Nancy hadn't even realised she had been holding her breath until the dull aching began in her chest and she let it out slowly as her eyes darted constantly between her sister and niece.

'Wh-what happened?'

Nancy could barely make out Lindsey's question in amongst her tears and her heart went out to the little girl. Personally, she had only ever met Sara once before so the news hadn't hit her as much as it had Lindsey and Catherine, although it was killing her to see the rest of her family so devastated. She watched as Catherine slumped back down onto the couch, holding her head in her hands as her entire body shook.

'It was all my fault. All my fault.'

Lindsey crawled across the floor on all fours until she was in front of her mother. Slowly she reached out, taking Catherine's hands in her own smaller ones. To begin with the older Willows tried to pull away but Lindsey wouldn't let her, using the momentum to jump up onto the couch and forcing her mother to look at her.

'Mom...I don't know what happened, but I know it wasn't your fault.'

Lindsey's admission only served to increase Catherine's tears as she pulled her daughter into a tight embrace. Nancy could feel her own tears as they ran down her face while she watched the two interact.

'Cath, tell us what happened. I think you need to talk about it almost as much as Lindsey needs to hear it.'

Catherine took a deep calming breath before finally nodding in Nancy's direction.

'It was supposed to be an easy case. Just a regular B&E. But...because of my stupidity, it all went wrong and Sara died...'

* * *

'_For crying out loud Cath, there is nothing going on! When are you going to get that into your head?'_

_Sara slammed her mug down on the side in the break room, causing coffee to spill everywhere. She turned to face Catherine who was pacing angrily in the middle of the room._

'_She was flirting with you Sara. She wants you.'_

_Grissom chose that precise moment to walk into the break room, assignment slips in hand._

'_Girls, I've got a B&E here for you, it's down in...oh. Sorry.'_

_The older man stood awkwardly by the couch as the two women engaged in an angry staring contest. Sara reached out and plucked the slip from his hand before shoving it into her pocket without even looking at it. Grissom took that as his cue to leave and took one last look at the pair before backing out of the room and closing the door behind him. As soon as they were alone again Sara strode quickly into Catherine's personal space, grabbing her by the arms._

'_So what if she wants me? I don't want her! Why would I when I have you? Don't you trust me?'_

_Catherine only hesitated for a second before nodding her head, but it was a second too long. Sara's eyes widened in shock and hurt and she stepped quickly away from the redhead. Catherine tried to follow her but Sara stopped her progress by raising her hand._

'_Don't even think about coming to the scene with me. I can handle this myself.'_

* * *

'Cath...you might have argued before she left for that scene but what happened when she arrived wasn't your fault.'

Nancy spoke softly as she caressed Catherine's back as her sister wept quietly. She had migrated onto the couch during Catherine's recounting of the story, with Lindsey squashed between them listening intently.

'I followed her anyway. I wanted to explain to her that I did trust her. But...but I was too late.'

* * *

_As Catherine pulled up to the scene she saw a multitude of police cars and an ambulance surrounding the property. Frowning she pulled up and got out of her car, seeing Jim standing in the front garden with a worried expression on his face. She had only been half an hour behind Sara, stopping to buy the brunette's favourite coffee and muffin on the way as a peace offering yet in that short amount of time, all hell seemed to have broken loose. With a growing unease in the pit of her stomach she nodded in Jim's direction and tried to enter the property. The detective had other ideas however and grabbed her around the waist to prevent her from entering._

'_Cath, you don't want to go in there, trust me.'_

_Now extremely worried, Catherine wriggled out of Brass's grip, eyeing the front door of the house with great trepidation._

'_Jim, where's Sara?'_

_The look on Brass's face said it all and without warning Catherine ran towards the house. She didn't have to go far to find Sara. She was lying on the floor in the living room with a large pool of blood surrounding her. Doc Robbins was crouched down beside her with a solemn look on his face. When he heard her enter the room, he stood as fast as his prosthetic legs would allow and caught the redhead as she fell to the floor sobbing. Somewhere in the back of her mind Catherine could hear Brass explaining what had happened._

'_She had shouted at the responding officer to get out and leave her alone. He said she seemed angry and upset. She was processing the living room when the suspect returned for more loot. He shot her twice in the chest. The paramedics couldn't save her. I'm so sorry Catherine.'_

_The only sound that could be heard in the house was of Catherine's sobbing. She broke free from Doc Robbins' grasp and knelt down beside Sara, careful not to touch any of her blood. The brunette's eyes were closed and she looked almost peaceful. _

'_This is my fault. She was angry because of me.'_

* * *

Catherine could not continue with her story due to her insistent sobbing. Lindsey had wrapped her small arms around her mother's waist and was holding her tight. Nancy was perched on the edge of the couch, unsure what to do with herself. She allowed her eyes to wander around the room in a vain attempt to find some sort of inspiration on how to deal with the situation, when out of nowhere she found it. Sat on the top shelf of the bookcase in the corner of the room was a picture of Catherine and Sara. Neither was looking at the camera so the picture must have been taken without their knowledge but it was the most beautiful and natural picture that Nancy had ever seen. Catherine had her head thrown back laughing wildly, whilst Sara was resting her head on Catherine's shoulder, her dark hair hanging down to cover her face. It broke Nancy's heart to know that their love had been torn apart by some criminal looking for money for another drug fix. Thinking back over what Catherine had mentioned about the day of Sara's death, it seemed obvious to her now what her sister needed to do in order to begin grieving properly and let go of her guilt. She needed to say a proper goodbye.

'Lindsey, go ring your Grandma and get her to come over. Catherine, sober yourself up. We're going out.'

* * *

Catherine was looking out the windows of the car in every direction trying to figure out where they were going. She had not had any luck getting their destination out of Nancy, something which he younger woman was thankful for. She didn't want Catherine to realise where they were until the last minute so she couldn't back out of this. Pulling into the graveyard, Nancy watched Catherine's eyes widen and her entire body tense as the redhead realised where they were.

'No, Nancy. Take me home, I can't. I don't deserve to be here.'

Nancy simply sighed, pulling the car into a nearby space and killing the engine.

'Catherine, you didn't go to her funeral. You haven't been to visit her grave since. This is something you need to do. And besides, it's too far for you to walk back and I'm not going anywhere until you do this.'

The two sisters engaged in a silent staring contest as Catherine digested Nancy's words. Finally her shoulders sagged in defeat and she offered a slight nod before opening the passenger door. Hesitating for a second, the redhead offered her sister one final glance before leaving the car and wandering into the night. As soon as she was out of sight, Nancy leaned forward and rested her forehead on the steering wheel, finally allowing the tears she had been holding in to fall freely.

* * *

It didn't take long for Catherine to find Sara's grave. Nancy had given her some directions and as soon as the multitude of flowers came into view she knew she was in the right place. Taking slow steps forward she edged towards the large stone gravestone, trying to swallow the huge lump that had formed in her throat. When the inscription was close enough to become readable she cast her eyes over the simple writing. Sara had never been one for overdoing anything and her gravestone reflected that, reading simply her name and date of birth and death. Catherine allowed her shaking fingers to trace the letters of her girlfriend's name lightly, feeling the roughness of the stone scratch her skin but not caring anyway. The idea that Sara was buried a few feet underneath the ground she now stood on was too much for Catherine to bear and she fell to the dirt as her legs gave way beneath her.

'Oh God, Sara I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry.'

Catherine rested her forehead on the edge of the gravestone and wept openly. Everything around her faded away and the only thing she was aware of was the feeling of the cool stone against her forehead and the wetness of the tears rolling down her cheeks. She had no idea how long she stayed like that, but when her tears eventually dried up and she managed to take a look around her, the sun had begun to rise and a few other people were milling about the cemetery. It made Catherine uncomfortable to be here when other people could see her so she rose to her feet, resting her fingers again on the engraving of Sara's name.

'I'll never forget you baby. I love you, always.'

The crunching of light footsteps could be heard behind her and when Catherine turned her head slightly she could see Nancy loitering nervously a few feet away.

'I'm sorry to interrupt Cath, but you'd been gone ages I wanted to make sure you were alright.'

Catherine nodded slightly before turning back to Sara's grave as she suddenly remembered something. Reaching inside the neckline of her shirt she pulled out a gold necklace with a shiny gold ring attached to it. She had given it to Sara as a gift a few weeks ago and Doc Robbins had returned it to her the day after the funeral. She hadn't been able to face doing anything with it until now and had been wearing it around her neck, finding it too painful to wear on her finger. Fingering the metal lightly, she bent down and gently placed both the necklace and ring on the top of the gravestone. She pressed her fingers to her lips and kissed them before pressing them once more to Sara's name. Standing and turning to face Nancy, she squinted against the rising sun.

'Take me home Nancy.'


End file.
